


What Remains

by thenewnationalanthem (moxielovesshipping)



Series: Sad, Sweet, and Sexy [21]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Best Friends, Family History, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Framing Story, Gen, Healthy Relationships, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, Leaving Home, M/M, Multi, Mystery, Past Character Death, Past Tense, Queerplatonic Relationships, Returning Home, Secret Relationship, Story within a Story, Storytelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-08 14:39:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11648658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxielovesshipping/pseuds/thenewnationalanthem
Summary: "The only regret I ever had, was never asking him what he meant by 'I love you.'"-inspired by What Remains Of Edith Finch**SORRY ABOUT THE SHITTY SPACING. ARCHIVE IS FUCKING IT UP, NOT ME.





	1. The Extras

**Author's Note:**

> "I never knew my pa well. He had places to be, things to do. Not to say he ignored me, or he was never around. He was just...busy."

 

 

"What is that?" Dark says, snaking an arm around Anti's waist as he reads.

 

 

 

"It's my old journal from when I was younger," Anti chuckles, laying back on Dark's chest. "My ma gave it to me as a birthday present."

 

 

 

"Aw man, I remember that. You were exhuberant."

 

 

 

"That I was. God, I can't believe it's still here after all this time..." Anti whispers, glancing back down and running his fingers over the withered pages.

 

 

 

"Will you read to me?" Dark says, and Anti gives him a weird look.

 

 

 

"Why?"

 

 

 

Dark shrugs. "I like hearing you talk about things you love. You don't love many things."

 

 

 

Anti chuckles lightly, nodding. "You got me there. Alright, get comfy."

 

 

 

Dark shimmies a little, tightening his grip on Anti, and resting his head on his hair. "Proceed."

 

 

 

With a huff, Anti finds his place, and begins to read.

 

 

 

> _September 9th, 2014_

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> _Sometimes I wondered what it was like in other worlds._
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> _I wondered what Mars and Venus held that Earth didn't, and how the summers would feel if the sun were habitable._
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> _I never spent much time outside, because I was too busy inside, reading about the outside._
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> _Sometimes my pa would read to me, he had the best narrator voice I'd ever heard. He focused hard on the emotions, and thought nothing of the language._
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> _I guess that's why he was the best_ _._
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> _Despite spending time with him,_ _I never knew my pa well. He had places to be, things to do. Not to say he ignored me, or he was never around. He was just...busy._
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> _I would sometimes ask my ma about what he did in his study, all holed up and surrounded by books. She never seemed to have a real answer for me, but I'm sure I'll find it soon._
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> _Maybe even, in another world, another dimension, he'd come out just one night for dinner._
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> _And maybe, just maybe, he'd tell me about the outside world again._
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> _It was hard to put that into perspective, though, with all the reasons this wasn't possible._
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> _I was content, though, just listening to the pitter patter of the rain on my window as it seeped into our_ _home, under my pa's voice, and into my heart._
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> _I guess it was the little things in life that really mattered to me. The extra things...they could wait._
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>   _Even if it meant my pa being late to dinner._


	2. The Ugliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My ma always told me not to lie. And at first, I didn't listen. But closed lips are dangerous when they're pressed against someone else."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this story is so shitty. I know at this point most people are just waiting on the fics i already have going, but this interested me so im writing it anyways. 
> 
> Love you as always <3

*3 weeks later*

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Here we are." Anti says, standing on the lawn on his childhood home he'd left those years ago. He swallowed as he took in the sunken deadness of the building, decayed like it's memories.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Are you sure you'll find it here?" Dark asks, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder and massaging it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"It's gotta be here," Anti mumbles, turning towards Dark with a determined glint in his eyes. "This was where he left it for me."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clutching his journal, he spins the house key between his fingers and hopes it will work. Slowly, he makes his way up the front steps, inserting the key and listening to the eerie creak of the front door as it opens.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He takes in his surroundings, nearly overwhelmed by the rush of memories until he feels a soft hand caress his neck. "Are you okay?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He sniffles a bit, chuckling and nodding. "Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. I just...it's been so long..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I know." Dark says, stepping ahead of Anti and looking around. "It's been awhile for me too. So, where do we start looking?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anti takes a breath, then opens up his journal again. "Um, I dunno. I made a journal entry a couple weeks before it happened, maybe that'll tell us somethin'?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"After you, love." Dark says, and Anti blushes, reading as he walks in front of him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _October 26th, 2015_

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> _It must have been hard for my ma to find out what my pa had been doing in the basement._
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> _He'd made his own little hideaway, a little imaginary world where rules don't exist and morals don't matter._
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> _He spends hours in there, sometimes days, trying to find a cure for his sickness._
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> _It took me awhile to realize something was wrong, mostly because my ma had tried her best to keep it from me._
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> _Slowly but surely, I began to piece together bits and pieces of broken English and conversation, marking them down like a cryptic code._
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> _It wasn't hard for me to finally crack it, even from behind the confines of my deadbolted room._
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> _My ma had taken to locking my door at night to keep me from snooping after she caught me opening the basement door once._
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> _I couldn't decide whether she was angry or terrified that day._
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> _Angry that I'd disobeyed her, or terrified I'd find out my pa's secret for myself._
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> _That night, she banished me from roaming the house, capturing me behind thin drywall and flimsy wood, and only letting me out to eat._
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> _I felt like a prisoner, sent to jail for the petty crime of treason in my own home._
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> _It was like a video game, my ma moved around like clockwork. I could learn her schedule in no time, and I knew her routine like the back of my hand._
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> _She left during the days, often with her friends or coworkers, but she kept me locked away, complete with nails for breakfast and tacks for snacks. I swallowed them hard, much like my words, and waited on my pa to come up from the basement to let me free._
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> _I figured, at some point, my ma must have given him a key of some sort to let me out. He was the warden and I was the criminal._
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> _Unfortunately, my ma's security system of solitude wasn't enough to keep the key hidden, and my pa's lack of interest was enough to steal it._
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> _Neither of them were the wiser._
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> _Then I started to explore, steering clear of the basement until one day, it became too much._
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> _The pain that my pa could be feeling, the angriness and depression that came with diagnosis was a disease all it's own._
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> _So i hid the key for safe keeping, right under the music box my grandmother had given my ma, and I waited._
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> _My ma always told me not to lie, and at first, I didn't listen. But closed lips are dangerous when they're pressed against someone else's._
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>   _Secrets are ugly, ugly things._

 

 

 

 

 

Anti reached under the music box, covered in dust and regret, and gripped onto the key. He examimed it closely, squinting at it as if it held all the answers he needed. He looked back up at Dark, who seemed weary of the situation, and sighed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ready to go into the basement?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"As ready as I'll ever be." Dark says, and Anti sighs, taking a path he'd never dared before.

 


	3. The Emptiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I hope one day you get to see the outside again, it's much more beautiful than I can ever tell you. Even if you do, though, don't you ever stop reaching for Mars."

 

Anti ran his hand against the sign on the door, shutting his eyes as memories flash back to him.

 

 

**DO NOT ENTER**

 

 

It said, and he felt like a tresspasser all over again. He used his newfound key to unlock the padlock on the door, tearing down the sign in the process with revenge.

 

 

This was his _home_ for god sakes, so why did it feel so hollow and strange?

 

 

He clicked the flashlight on his phone, grabbing onto Dark's hand as the stairs creaked and shook with age.

 

 

"What do you think will be down here?" Dark asks, catching a light switch on the wall and illuminating the lower part of the basement.

 

 

"Answers." Anti responds, exhaling as he takes his final step out of the darkness.

 

 

To his surprise, the basement is empty, all except a wall of photos, and a laptop with a static screen and a note attatched to it.

 

 

Anti frowned, reading the note while Dark took a look around.

 

> _To Seàn._

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> 
> _I'm sorry it has come to this. I never meant for things to happen this way for you. Believe me when I tell you, my intentions were pure. It started off as some sort of fantasy, inspired by the dreams you'd tell me you had at bedtime, and inspired by the look in your eyes when I came to dinner. I wanted what was best for you, and your mother did too. I apologize for leaving on such short notice, but before I go, I made you something. I hope it explains everything to you some day, so you'll finally stop blaming your mother for all of this. She was never the criminal, Seàn. She was always the victim. I love you more than life itself, but I deserved to be happy too. I felt empty here, a hollow feeling I never wanted you to experience. I hope one day you get to see the outside again, it's much more beautiful than I can ever tell you. Even if you do, though, don't you ever stop reaching for Mars._
> 
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> _Your Papa,_
> 
> _Jack._

 

 

Anti covered his mouth with his hand, eyes stinging with impending tears. What had happened that was so bad? What happened to his parents after he left?

 

 

"Anti, you gotta see this." Dark calls, and Anti quickly wipes his eyes, heading towards him.

 

 

"What's u-" He began, but he was at a loss as he examined the photo wall a little closer.

 

 

"These are photos...these are photos of my father." Dark mumbles, and Anti steps back in shock.

 

 

"Oh my god..." Anti whispers, holding onto Dark for dear life as his tears finally escape.

 

 

Dark only holds him close, sighing. "I think the sickness your dad had wasn't a disease...I think he was...gay, Anti."

 

 

"The...the disc. He left me a DVD to play in that laptop. The note he left was super cryptic and I wasn't sure what he was tryin' to tell me, he kept ramblin' on about my dreams and my ma not bein' at fault. We need to watch that disc." Anti scrambles towards the DVD, popping it into the laptop and hitting play, gripping onto Dark's hand as they take a seat on their abandoned couch.

 

 

A scene of his father, hair lime and messy as he takes a seat in front of the camera with a smile.

 

 

" _Hello, Seàn._ "

 

 

Anti's voice catches at the mention of his given name as he leans forward and touches the screen, a tear falling from his eye.

 

"Hey dad."


	4. The Pretties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I guess I just...fell in love with bein' sick."

****

_"It's so weird to be on camera right now. You know m'not....used to this. But, I knew that things would go...very bad, very quick. So, Seàn, here's why your mother disappeared. I guess I should start from when you left."_

 

* * *

 

"Seàn! You don't need ta do this." Aileen says as we watched our son pack his bags, face red with anger and despair.

 

I stood behind her, hands at my side as I tried to reason with a dreamer.

 

"Yer mother is right, Seàn. We can find a solution we can all agree with."

 

"Oh can we now? Is it gonna include you goin' back inta that god fersaken office, then? What do you even have down there that could be more important than yer son,huh?" He screamed, glancing at me then at Aileen. "What about you? You know what the hell he's doin', that's why ye confined me to my fuckin' room."

 

"Don't talk to yer ma like that, Seàn."

 

"I can speak to you two however I fuckin' please." He says, breath heavy as he zips up a few clothes, grabbing his suitcase by it's handle and heading downstairs. I'd never heard heavier footsteps than that, so full of emotion and regret.

 

Aileen of course ran after him, her heels clicking and slamming on the wooden stairs after his boots. Myself, I took a seat. I knew nothing I said would convince him to stay. I was the reason he was leaving.

 

"Seàn, this world isn't safe! What if somethin' happens to ya? What will ye do? Who will ye call?"

 

"Nobody. Nothin' out there worth riskin' my life for anyways, right?" He spits, and I hear my wife grow silent for a long while.

 

I take the silence as defeat, she won't hold him off any longer. I stand up and head towards a familiar door, twiddling the lock in my hands as I hear Seàn and Aileen behind me.

 

"Jack...don't."

 

"I can't _deal_ with this right now." I mumble, and the laugh from my son verifies the lie. "I'm sorry."

 

"I hope you die." Seàn says, and he means it with all his heart.

 

"Seàn!"

 

"Ma, I love you, so much. But I can't stay here unless he can look me in the eyes and tell me why the fuck he's been hidin' from me for 6 years."

 

I lean my head on the basement door, back still turned to my family.

 

"Jack... _please._ "

 

I take a shaky breath, pulling the key out of my pocket and unlocking the basement I held so close to me. "Goodbye, Seàn." Escapes my lips, and I hear a gasp, then the slam of a door before I close mine behind me.

 

The last thing I heard that night was my wife's cries, and the clicking of the clock on the wall.

* * *

 

_"After that, we started driftin' apart. It was decent, back when you used to call. She could tolerate me those days, because it reminded her of everythin' we'd built. Everythin' I had torn down. I didn't mean..."_ His voice cracks, and Anti inhales. _"I didn't want her to find out. It was...a mistake. But I don't regret it."_ Jack shakes his head and chuckles, running a hand through his fluffy hair. _"I guess I just...fell in love with bein' sick."_

 

* * *

 

I came out a couple days later, if only to check on Aileen. To my surprise, she was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV as if it held the answers to this all. I snuck past her quietly, keys in hand as she made no effort to move.

 

"Goin' somewhere?" She asks, but it comes out more of a statement. I winced at the disgust and anger in her voice, and I could feel the distance between us.

 

"I'll be back soon, Aileen. I'm just goin' to take some photos."

 

"Of our son? Or of somethin' more important?"

 

"I told you, Aileen. Those photos mean nothin'."

 

"Then take them down and go get Seàn."

 

"Seàn doesn't want to be here, Aileen. That isn't my fault."

 

She stands abruptly, eyebrows fixed together as she glares at me. "Not your fault? Then who's fault, pray tell, is it then?"

 

"Maybe had you not locked him in his room fer so long-"

 

"By Jaysus you have balls haven't ye? Do ye not remember _why_ I kept him away from you?"

 

"I'm not goin' to argue with you, Aileen." I say, pulling out my phone as I see a familiar name pop up. "I have to go."

 

She laughs at me, self pitying and angry as she waves me off. "Maybe this time yeh'll disappear fer good."

 

I sigh at her, hand gripping the handle as I glance outside. "Maybe I will."

* * *

 

_"I never wanted you to know. She never wanted you to know either but, I felt it the most. I didn't want you to think less of me fer who I was...who I didn't know I was. I can't help but feel like, like I wasted yer time."_ Jack laughs, and his blue eyes shimmer in the camera light. _"That's why I let you leave...it wasn't worth yer time to stay. Cause I couldn't stop myself from seein' him if I wanted to. It was an addiction. God, I wasn't even lookin' fer a cure. He was so...gorgeous, Seàn. I couldn't stay away."_

 

* * *

 

Anti paused the DVD, feeling Dark tighten his arms around him as he sniffles. "I don't understand..."

 

"I know. Me either but, maybe there's more to it than meets the eye. I mean...she couldn't have not known for this long, right?"

 

"My mother knew the in and outs of that house...it was her old family house, she knew _everythin'..._ how could she not know he was havin' an affair?"

 

"Maybe she did, but she didn't want to accept it." Dark says, placing a gentle kiss to Anti's head as he nods. "Ready to continue?"

 

Anti glances at the photos on the walls again, examining them close as he realizes something.

 

"Look how happy he looks, Dark..." He muses, and Dark stares at the photos with a fond smile.

 

"Yeah, they both look pretty happy, don't they?"

 

"What went wrong...?" Anti frowns, and Dark sighs above him.

 

"A good relationship can't be built on lies."

 

"I guess not." Anti says, staring at the still of his pa on the screen with a confused look. "I wonder why he didn't just leave my ma."

 

"Because of you." Dark says simply. "Who could leave that cute face behind?"

 

Anti giggles as Dark pokes his nose and snuggles in closer to him. "Stop tryin' to distract me and start the fuckin' tape."

 

"Hey, at least I tried." Dark laughs, holding Anti closer with one arm as he presses play.

 


	5. The Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My sickness was 5'10 with raven hair and chocolate eyes. It had smooth, tanned skin and a pearly white smile that could make me melt. It had strong, loving arms that held me together when I felt broken, and a deep, resonate voice that could fill an orchestra hall."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM ALREADY HALFWAY THERE
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> HALFWAY THERE
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> HALFWAY THERE 
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> halfway there

_"It didn't take me very long at all to figure out what was causing my sickness. It was 5'10 with raven hair and chocolate eyes. It had smooth, tanned skin and a pearly white smile that could make me melt. It had strong, loving arms that held me together when I felt broken, and a deep, resonate voice that could fill an orchestra hall. Mark Fischbach was...addicting."_

 

* * *

 

I knocked softly on the car window, trying to hide my puffy blue eyes as he rolled it down. He was smiling when he did it, and my heart nearly stopped.

 

My sickness nearly killed me everyday.

 

As soon as he saw my eyes, though, that smile turned into a frown of concern and worry. He stepped out of the car and grabbed my shoulders, examining the pink splotches on my body that may have been considered a rash, had my sickness had symptoms.

 

"What happened? Are you okay?"

 

"Seàn...left. Seàn left because of me. Because of _us._ " I say, disgusted with myself for my lack of shame.

 

"You...told him?" He says wearily, but his hands remained on my shoulders.

 

"No...he got fed up wit' me spendin' so much time in the basement."

 

"Oh Jack..." He whispers, pulling me into a hug, and the smell of his perfume makes me sick. The intoxicating feeling of the smooth makeup on his face makes my skin tingle, even when it isn't there. I sobbed violently into his chest, just him and I on the outskirts of town, it felt so normal.

 

I felt like myself. But I also felt sick.

* * *

 

_"But all good things come to an end, relationships included. He knew the entire time I was married, but he said it didn't matter as long as he knew I loved him more. I never wanted to admit I did, because...because society told me I had to love Aileen. Society told me it was right to marry a woman and give her children, and to always be around to raise them even if yer not happy. When I think about it...I don't think I ever loved Aileen. Maybe, once upon a time when I was healthy, I loved her. Even then, I wondered if yer ma ever even loved me back."_

 

* * *

 

I didn't come home until late that night, and by the time I got there, my wife was already asleep. I crept upstairs slowly, opening the dark door to our bedroom, feeling like the dark red splotches on my skin would alert her. My body felt sluggish, tired.

 

I must need another dose of medication.

 

But that's for another day, I'll overdose if I take it now. Instead, I go into our shared bathroom and wash my face, examining my neck closely to see just how far deep I am into this sickness.

 

I sigh at my racoon eyes and apple red lips, shaking my green hair around in the process.

 

I shut off the light, pull off my shirt and pants, and slide into my place in society. I only hoped I wouldn't infect my wife.

 

I fit my arms around her, and of course, she leaned into me.

 

"When are you goin' to tell me?" She asks in a small voice, and I sigh against her brunette hair. She snuggles closer when she doesn't get an answer, and I can feel her body shaking with tears.

 

I don't say another word that night...I just sleep.

 

* * *

 

_"From then on, yer ma and I didn't speak. We became roommates instead of lovers, and bad roommates at that."_ Jack laughs, shaking his head in pity. _"I wanted to tell you all of this in person, but...I couldn't find the right words. So i made you this. Months and months of thinkin' and-and almost phone calls made me realize the complexity of this story_ _. So, instead of tellin' you, I'm showin' you. Under this laptop is a key to the bedroom. In there, you'll find what you need to answer your questions. All that's left for me to tell you is...I love you. And don't you ever-"_ Jack stumbles, sniffling lightly as he looks at something to his left. _"Don't you ever stop reachin' fer the stars. Goodbye, Seàn."_

 

* * *

 

"She knew." Anti says as the video stops, and Dark looks down at him.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"She knew. But she thought-" He cuts himself off to swallow harshly, eyes turned down in pain. "She thought it was a _woman_. She didn't know he was _gay..._ she just knew he was _cheatin_ '."

 

"I had no idea he and my dad were....even together. I knew he'd have company over some nights, but he always either sent me here or sent me to my mom's house."

 

"I never even knew my dad was gone those days. I just figured he was holed up in the basement. Right after I left...he went straight to yer dad fer comfort. It's like...nothin' I said or did mattered. He really was _sick_."

 

Dark hummed in response, kissing Anti's forehead as he exhales sharply. "We still don't know what happened to your mom though."

 

"I don't even think I wanna know..." Anti exhales, but he stands up nonetheless and lifts the laptop, finding a small key that had his ma's initials on it.

 

His parent's bedroom had been his ma's old room, before her family either moved out or passed away.

 

"Are you sure?" Dark calls out, and Anti pauses, turning slowly with a frown.

 

"Of course not."

 

Dark smiles wearily at him, standing up and gripping his shoulders. "Hm."

 

Anti smiles back, resting his arms around Dark's neck and hugging him, burying his nose in his neck to smell his cologne as he stares at photos of his pa and Mark.

 

Maybe _he_ was sick too.

 

Maybe the sickness wasn't being gay or cheating.

 

Maybe the sickness was falling in love with a Fischbach.

 

Anti sighed against tanned skin, soaking it in before he made his decision.

 

He didn't care anymore how things ended.

 

As long as he had Dark by his side.

 

"Let's go." He says simply, and Dark smiles and follows.

 


	6. The Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I sometimes wondered why I could never admit it to myself something was wrong. There was some sort of dissonance between us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm selling kleenex for like 696969696969€.

"What do we do?"

 

"I guess jus'..." Anti takes the key and fits it into the bedroom door, listening as it creaks with age and wisdom. "I have no idea what I'm lookin' fer."

 

"What do you think he could be talking about?" 

 

"It could be anythin' in this room..." Anti whispers, giving a good spin to examine the room. "Anythin'."

 

"Well, I guess we should get to looking." Anti nods in agreeance, walking one way while Dark goes the other.

* * *

 

After almost 30 minutes of searching, Anti comes across a small book, a diary almost, covered in a light layer of dust.

 

**The Story So Far**

 

"Hey, I think I found somethin'." Anti says, flipping through the pages of the diary to the last dated entry. "This is dated two weeks before my ma disappeared."

 

"What's it say?" Dark says, resting his hands around Anti's waist and resting his head atop green fluff.

 

> _Dear diary,_

>  
> 
> _I've harbored my emotions long enough, and today is the day. For years I've sat inside a prison cell I built on my own lies and deception, and I need to come clean before everything is over._
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>  
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> _If I'm being truthful, I never loved Jack. Well, I did, but somewhere in between, I think we lost touch. When Sean was born, I thought maybe we could get back in synch, but I was wrong. Jack had his own life, dreams and hopes ahead of him, and it was wrong of me to think we could ever share them. He worked so hard for his career, for where he was, and in my own vain, I tried to rip that away._
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> _I thought maybe if that was gone, we could work on what we used to be. Happy, carefree, young._ _I sometimes wondered why I could never admit it to myself something was wrong. There was some sort of dissonance between us._
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> _I had always dreamed that one day I would wake up and we would be us again. But dreamers don't get very far in life. Not at all._
> 
>  
> 
> _I'm actually quite glad that Seàn left us, he wouldn't have wanted to see us like this. I actually can't remember which of us took the first pill...Me, or Jack._
> 
>  
> 
> _Regardless, they did their job, and we were making up in no time. What a shame that we didn't read the label though, it would have been helpful._
> 
>  
> 
> _Poor Jack never had a chance to say goodbye to Sean, but then again, neither did I. I think if he were to have any final words, they would have been 'I'm sorry.' To whom he was apologizing, I guess I will never know, because I was going away too._
> 
>  
> 
> _Some distant land on the horizon, where people flourished and plants boomed. Somewhere far away from Jack McLoughlin and the goddamn sickness he was spreading to me._
> 
>  
> 
> _You know, it's kind of funny._
> 
>  
> 
> _Society tells you to grow up, and love people to be happy. To be loved back, and to be surrounded. But telling us who to love and when to love them and how we should love them makes the world just as lonely as if we were alone._
> 
>  
> 
> _For the record, I never loved Jack McLoughlin, and before I put my body to rest, I would say one thing to my dear, sweet Seàn._
> 
>  
> 
> _Never fall in love with someone who doesn't know what love is. You'll only fall further and further, and noone will be there to catch you. When you hit the ground, and your body is numb from aching and breaking, you'll look up to the sky, and finally be glad you're dead_ _._
> 
>  

> _\- Aileen Fischbach._

 

"Wait...Fischbach?" Dark says, and Anti hands him the book, raising an eyebrow when something falls out. He bends down to pick it up as Dark rereads the last lines of the diary entry.

 

He unfolds the paper, covering his mouth in shock as he reads its contents.

 

In his hand is his ma's birth certificate, and on it, the name of Dark's grandfather, Timothy. "My ma...she was yer aunt."

 

Dark look perplexed, abandoning the diary for the certificate. Sure enough, his suspicions were confirmed as he ran a hand through black hair. "God, when will the fucking lies end?" He breathes, and Anti sighs against his shoulder.

 

"I wish I knew Dark," He mumbles, and Dark holds onto him like his life depends on it. Maybe with the weight of all this...it does. "I wish I knew."


	7. The Betrayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I sometimes got the feeling that my parents never liked me much. I think the burden of keeping a boy on the ground who always wanted to reach for the stars was a bit too much for them to handle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say they liked sad plotlines? Don't worry, fluff coming soon :)
> 
>  
> 
> Hey ;-)

"That still doesn't answer our question though." Dark mentions, running a hand through his hair. "She said they took some pills, but, how could they have overdosed and still brought the journal back? That doesn't make any sense."

 

Anti squints at the diary and the certificate, then glances around at the room. "They must have already had it planned."

 

"You think they premeditated suicide?"

 

"They had to have, Darky. I mean, unless the pills are some sort of metaphor like the 'sickness' my pa had."

 

"What if they're not pills at all?"

 

"What do yo mean?"

 

"Did either of your parents own a gun?"

 

"What?" Anti croaks, voice stressed with dismay. What was he implying?

 

"If sickness was a metaphor, then pills could be too, right? Maybe a metaphor for...bullets?"

 

"Then...then there would be bloodstains right? There would be bodies."

 

"Not if they didn't die  _here._ If this was all premeditated, they wouldn't have wanted you to find that. They loved you too much, I think even you know that."

 

"But where could they have gone? They couldn't have gone far. My ma didn't like goin' far from the house..."

 

Dark stood there perplexed for a bit, turning around the room slowly when he spots a window that opens to a huge backyard. "Isn't there a garden in the backyard?"

 

"Yeah, but, my ma never had time to keep up with it. It started dyin' a few years after my gran passed away." Anti sighs sadly, and Dark nods. 

 

"A place you would never look." He whispers, and Anti looks up at him in confusion.

 

"What?"

 

"The garden is somewhere you wouldn't look. You'd been told that she stopped caring for it, so why would you go back there at any point in time? Unless..."

 

"Unless she told me to." Anti finishes, and Dark nods again. "Hang on, I think I remember makin' a journal entry about the garden a few weeks before I decided to move out." He says, pulling his journal out of his back pocket and flipping through it. "Here it is, October 12th."

 

> _October 12th, 2015_
> 
>  
> 
> _There's an old family garden outside the back of our house, or so I'm told. My ma told me that it wasn't worth saving, and sometimes I wondered if she was really talking about just plants and shrubs. Sometimes, back when my ma would let me in their bedroom, she would tell me stories about the beautiful flowers that used to grow back there. She always sounded so...surreal. So much happier than I was used to. Sometimes she would...open the door leading out and lean down over it. My ma was insane like that. She'd sometimes let me lean out too, and I felt like flying. I guess that's what made me want to go to space in the first place._
> 
>  
> 
> _My pa was very indifferent about the garden. He didn't seem to hate it, but he didn't seem to want anything to do with it. I wondered what happened there that was so bad, that was so heinous that he didn't dare mention the garden. However, he wouldn't get angry if I asked, he would just dodge my questions to the best of his abilities. I was okay with that. It didn't become a problem until I got older and started asking more about our family history. He claimed he knew nothing, and would send me off to my ma, who would tell me the exact same thing._
> 
>  
> 
> _I sometimes got the feeling that my parents never liked me much. I think the burden of keeping a boy on the ground who always wanted to reach for the stars was a bit too much for them to handle. That couldn't have been very true though. My ma loved me, at least. At least I had her._
> 
>  

Anti tucked the journal into his back pocket and headed towards the window, his knees hitting the couch as he inhales. He closes his eyes, opens the window, and lets the wind push him back in hesitation. He feels heavy hands on his shoulder as his body shakes, eyes still shut. He didn't really want to know.

 

But he  _needed_ to know. 

 

He opened his eyes and looked down, and there they were. 

 

They looked much different down there, much more peaceful. 

 

Anti guessed he was biased, since he hadn't been back to his home since he was younger. But right now, staring at them, he kinda wished he had. 

 

"Are you okay?" He hears Dark say, and he chokes on tears as he nods. It's a lie, but he nods. He'll be okay. Dark holds him by his middle, and he can't help himself. He grips onto the front of his shirt and gasps as violent tears escape him. He's had his capacity of secrets and lies, and though it's unsettling, this was the truth.

 

The truth was, sickness kills you. Sickness breaks you down, and tears you up, and makes you give up.

 

But pills...medication, prescribed happiness...it kills you even faster. 

 

Looking back down at them, it's apparent it wasn't a mutual idea. Their hands were linked, but he can't help but feel different. To think that his ma could kill his pa was unheard off, but if society thinks it...it must be true. He notices a small strip of paper in his mother's left hand, and he's terrified. "There's a paper...in her hand."

 

"Do you want to go get it?" Dark asks, making soothing strokes on his back as he nods. "Okay. We'll go get it."

 

Dark takes his hand, holding him close as he takes one last look at his parent's bedroom, something they shared together, just like their life. He sighs and sniffles, then closes the door. Another chapter for another journal.


	8. The Irreplaceable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't want to let go of something I worked my hardest to get. It just wasn't fair."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye do you like fluff? 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> T O O B A D :)

They traversed down the stairs, weary of Anti's mental state as they moved forward. To be honest, Aileen being his aunt was news to Dark. Now that he thinks about it, he didn't know if his father even knew. He thought about that even as they headed towards the patio door, lifting the dirty lock with callused hands, and letting the doors swing open like children. 

 

They hadn't been outside in so long, they almost forgot the outside world was there. Maybe that's how Anti's parents felt. Maybe that's what drove them to madness. Dark takes the first step, his fingers intertwined with Anti, and he wonders if the way he feels is flowing straight between that connection, through his veins and into his brain. Dark figured that at any moment, Anti would turn to him with realization and break their connection. That wasn't something he wanted to happen, not at all. 

 

It wasn't hard to find the bodies. Dark had seen dead bodies plenty times before on days his father would take him to his job. They didn't bother him at all, they just...unsettled him. It was much harder seeing  ~~the love of his life~~ Anti grip his stomach and empty it's contents, even though they hadn't eaten all day. He soothed over a spot in his back, if only to know he was still there, and that this wasn't just a trick his mind was playing on him. 

 

He could never understand why Anti put up with him. He didn't add any value to his life, and he wasn't in love with Dark, so why did he keep him around? He wondered that as Anti straightened his back, wiping his mouth off while Dark reaches into his aunt's hand and grabs the tiny sheet of paper. He opens it and a key falls out as he reads.

 

**The Story Isn't Over.**

 

"What does it say?" Anti begs, and Dark frowns up.

 

"The story isn't over. And there's a key." He soothes, picking it up out of the grass and handing it to Anti. Anti examines it, then smiles softly, and Dark is a bit confused.

 

"This is the key to my room." Anti looks up, and Dark's words falter at the sight of those shimmering cerulean blues, lightly covered by green cotton candy hair, sweet and airy like the sound of the voice it accompanied. "She gave me the key to my room."

 

"That's good but...what does that mean?"

 

"When I was younger...she would lock me away so I wouldn't hear them argue...and so I wouldn't see what my father was doing in the basement. She gave me the key...as her permission to know the truth." And then, he laughs. A bright and joyous laugh, illuminated by the sun as he throws his arms around Dark. His heart, his voice, and his entire body catches Anti, enveloping him in the safety and honesty he deserves. "We should go unlock it."

 

"Yeah." Dark mumbles, face buried in his hair. "We definitely should."

 

"Just let me..." Anti starts, staring at his parents as he pulls some gorgeous carnations, placing them over their bodies with a soft smile. "There."

 

"What do those mean?" Dark asks, and Anti wipes his hands on his jeans and stands back up, facing him with a dopey look. 

 

"They mean I'm askin' for forgiveness."

 

"Why?"

 

"I didn't want to let go of something I worked my hardest to get. It just wasn't fair. But, in the process of that...I hurt alot of people. Includin' them. So m'sayin' sorry...one last time."

 

Dark smiled at Anti, intertwining their hands again as they stare out at the garden, lively as always. Although his mother lied, Anti didn't seem saddened by it. He seemed...enlightened. He nodded happily at it, then gasped when Anti pulled him giddily back inside the house, shutting the garden door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just kidding. Hope you loved your well earned fluff. :)


	9. The Forgiveable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Some people just don't know what they have until its in the hands of someone else. Your mother was like that...wise, but still so naive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back! Sorry this is being updated so late, was spending quality time with a quality guy. 
> 
> Now for some 144p quality writing :)
> 
> Props to anyone who can guess the 2 references I made.

Anti pushed his door open, a newfound acceptance for himself and compassion for his mother thriving through, and braced himself for the best. He gasped softly as he saw an unfamiliar tuft of grey hair, sitting at his desk and staring out into the distance. He blinked his eyes twice, then looked at Dark who only shrugged. "Hello?"

 

"I've been waiting for you a long time." The man said, still staring out into the sun as it lowers to its bed. "I'm glad you could finally make it."

 

"Who are you?" Dark demands, and the man chuckles deep and low, sending vibrations through the ground even as he stands.

 

"Who am I isn't important. What I know is what matters."

 

"How did you get in here??" Anti says, and the man turns to face them. His body is withered, patched and repatched beyond belief, but he holds together just fine. He eyes Anti up and down, then does the same to Dark. They feel helpless under his microscope, but their fear disintegrates.

 

"I have the key, of course my dear boy. This is my home. I built this."

 

"Then you must be-"

 

"Timothy Fischbach. Nice to see you again."

 

"Yer my ma's pa."

 

"Indeed. I'm also Dark's grandfather. A humble man, Mark is."

 

"Why are you here?" Dark mumbles, arms wrapped protectively around Anti's middle, "Why now?"

 

Timothy gazes down at Dark's stance and smiles, then looks deep into Anti's eyes as he speaks. "Your mother asked me here before she died. She told me she didn't want to leave you with meaningless words on pages and useless keys that unlock wooden doors. She wanted something physical for you to grasp onto. She wanted me to tell you what remains of your history."

 

"My history? Half the people that she kept mentionin'-I didn't even know they existed."

 

"You know your mother and your father. You know me now. And of course, you know your soul mate, Dark."

 

"Wait...soulmate?" Dark says, fighting the blush that ran hot through his veins as Timothy grins.

 

"Fischbachs and McLoughlins are destined to be together. It is what the universe wants. It is what your hearts want."

 

"But...you didn't marry a McLoughlin, did you?" Anti says, his grip impossibly tighter on Dark.

 

Timothy's smile falters a bit as he takes a seat again, sighing. "No. I didn't. But my son did, and his son after him shall marry one too."

 

"What about Anti's mother?"

 

"Some people just don't know what they have until its in the hands of someone else. Your mother was like that...wise, but still so naive."

 

"Are you sayin' their death was _her_ fault? My pa was _cheatin'_ on her. How is it her fault??" Anti demands, snatching himself out of Dark's grasp and racing up to Timothy. "You have _no_ right to badmouth my ma like that, pa o' hers er not."

 

"My daughter was a very jealous girl." He begins, pushing Anti's finger away from his face. "If things didn't go her way, she wasn't very happy with them. I don't know why the violence set in, but it did. She did not _want_ to kill him, but she felt she had to, and so she did."

 

"So what does that mean for us?" Dark mumbles, staring as Anti stands up straight and turns to him with a curious look. Anti nods, then looks back at his grandfather.

 

"Seàn, you are not naive. Marcus, you are not naive. You are capable of carrying on the legacy, and putting a stop to this curse before it continues any further." Timothy stands up, gripping Anti's shoulders and glancing at Dark. "You are destined to be together, and I know that you feel the strong bond that is the Fischbach-McLoughlin legacy. Should you ever decide against it..." He finishes, letting Anti go and grabbing onto Dark's cheeks, brown locked on chocolate. "May the gods be on your side." He kisses his forehead, resting his against it with a sigh. "And may you survive the madness that comes with betrayal."

 

"Where are you goin' now?"

 

"Me?" Timothy laughs, pulling them both in for a hug. "I have a wife to get back to. God knows she's wondering where I am. Take care of each other, yes?"

 

"When will we see you again?" Dark whispers, and Timothy lets them go, pulling two tiny boxes out of his coat pockets, handing them to Dark and Anti.

 

"I'll be around when you need me. Just know that I love you both a great deal." He says, patting their backs and heading to the doorway. "And always remember, the story isn't over yet." He leaves with a laugh, and Dark and Anti examine the boxes.

 

**To You, With Love.**

 

They open the boxes together, and inside are chain necklaces. Two halves of a heart, one that says Seàn and one that says Marcus.

 

"I will always..." Dark begins, looking up at Anti as he smiles dopily.

 

"Be with you." Anti finishes, blushing furiously as he slides the necklace around his neck, securing it tightly.

 

Dark struggles with his and Anti huffs, grabbing it from him and placing it on, eyes flickering down to his lips. When he looks back up, Dark is starting at him as if he controls time itself, and the entire world is waiting on him.

 

Maybe loving a Fischbach wasn't the sickness after all.

 

At least, that's what Anti thinks as he leans in and kisses Dark, softly but firmly. Finality.

 

Maybe, loving a Fischbach was the cure.

 


	10. The Endless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The only regret I ever had, was never asking him what he meant by I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shittiest ending ive ever written. Forgive me.

A journey to his old home was just what Anti needed. He'd felt like for a long time he was broken, and he needed to be reset and stitched back together. He realized alot of things as he walked around the carpeted floors, listening to the police chatter outside as they picked up the bodies.

 

His ma made sure that he wouldn't be blamed for their deaths. She kept the gun in one hand and her note in the other, that way his prints wouldn't even be left behind. A clever woman, his ma was.

 

He gripped onto Dark's hand tightly as their feet hit the solid, dry ground, and he felt like something was missing beneath them.

 

They stared outward at the surrounding homes, and it was like they were their own little town. How could people hear gunshots, and not call the police? He sighed as he layed his head against Dark's shoulder, inhaling the remaining smell of his old home and savouring in the scent of his new home.

 

Dark.

 

He guessed that Dark had been his home all along, because Dark was all the family he'd had. They'd even changed their names together, and laughed in the face of adversity when people would ask about it. Dark never judged him for who he was, and he never judged Dark either.

 

"Is this yer home?" An officer asks, eyes directly locked onto Anti's.

 

He stutters a bit, then finds his words in the solace of Dark's vice and protective grip. "Um, no. It used to be. I left home a few years ago."

 

"Ah, well is there anyone ya think will take of it while yer gone? If not, it'll go ta the city and they'll surely tear it down."

 

"We're planning on moving back here after we marry." Dark buts in, and Anti is at a loss for words. He tugs on Dark's hand but gets ignored, pouting on his side. The officer seems to buy the lie, smiling at them both and nodding.

 

"The best of luck at yer weddin'. Glad we won't have to put this home to rest."

 

Anti smiles at him as he waves goodbye, then punches Dark in the arm. "What the fuck??"

 

Dark winces a bit, but he doesn't laugh. Actually, he stays stoic and still, seeming to be deep in thought.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"What if it's true?" Dark mumbles, and Anti stands in front of him, running a small hand through midnight hair.

 

"Hmm?"

 

"I think I want to marry you."

 

"Uh," Anti chuckles, but he stills as he sees Dark is frustrated and serious. More serious than Anti has ever seen him. "Are you sure? As you can see, I don't have th' best track record to show fer myself."

 

Dark looks down into oceanic eyes, grabbing onto Anti's necklace and running his fingers over his own name with a solemn smile. "I'd do anything for you."

 

Anti swallows hard as he whispers, fighting back tears as his heart fills with joy and fear all alike. "Do you love me, Dark?"

 

Dark pauses in his ministrations and grins, placing his hands on Anti's plump cheeks and continuing to stroke. "Yes, I've loved you since the day you were born."

 

Anti smiles and grabs onto his wrists to hold them, giggling quietly as a kiss is pressed to his forehead, resting it against Dark's lips. "I love you too."

* * *

 

"Is that how you got this house?" Felix asks, and Anti nods. His hand is intertwined with Dark's as always, rings bumping into each other as they grip tightly.

 

"This house holds so many memories to me, I can't jus'...give it away."

 

"I agree," Marzia chimes in, setting down her glass of soda to speak. "They shouldn't move, Felix. I'm sure they can come visit us once in awhile."

 

"We'll come visit on your wedding day!" Dark laughs, watching as Felix blushes red. "But seriously, we won't stay gone long. I just don't want to force him away from everything he's ever known. He means too much to me to do that."

 

"Don't you have any regrets living here?" Felix chimes in, and Marzia slaps his shoulder as a reprocussion.

 

"Sorry about this."

 

"It's okay, I'm not offended. I think the only regret I have here is..." Anti thinks, using his free hand to fiddle with his necklace, smiling out at their flourishing garden."The only regret I ever had, was never asking him what he meant by I love you."

 

"Asking who?"

 

"My pa." Anti whispers, but there's no anger in his voice. All this time, he thought his mother was the victim of it all, and he was merely a bystander. In the end, though, he was the one, eternally punished by his father's misdeeds and sick values.

 

His father wasn't sick because he was gay. He was sick because he was a liar, a deciever, a cheater. But Anti wished no malice on him. He was a great man, his pa was. He was just too naive to realize his cure was with him everyday, running out by the second as he had no refills for her.

 

Anti always wondered his entire life what love is. He thought maybe there was just one definition, the one in the dictionary, but he can see now, he was wrong.

 

Love comes and goes in many ways, some brutal and violent, some slow and peaceful. Whatever the reason, love is love, and he'd found love in Dark.

 

But he always wanted to know his father's definition of love, whether good or bad, and what it meant to him.

 

Now, all that remains of his father are memories, relics of a past Anti won't dare repeat.

 

"Well...a toast to your parents." Felix smiles, and Anti snaps out of his thoughts to smile back.

 

"To my parents." He replies, and he clinks his glasses just like everybody else.

 

The final McLouglin that remains.

 


	11. ***BONUS LORE***

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im making these a thing????

So in case this whole story wasnt clear, here's what happened:

 

Jack was married to Aileen, sister of Mark Fischbach and daughter of Timothy Fischbach. 

 

He met Mark after awhile and fell in love with him, starting an affair with him 8 years before this story began. Their affair lasted for 6 years. 

 

During the video Jack recorded for Anti, his wife Aileen was holding him at gunpoint, after which she took him out to their garden and shot him, then killed herself. 

 

This story is being told by Anti to Felix and Marzia after he and Dark marry, not by Anti and Dark as they move through the house. 

 

Any other questions? Post in the comments! I love your feedback :3


End file.
